Oh when will they (we) learn?

Posted on | March 2, 2010

Oh I laugh and I laugh and I…well I would if it wasn’t such a dumb idea.

I was having my lunch today when an email came into my company inbox (you know, the one we all set up with the info@ or office@ addresses) with the subject line “FAO Jordan”.

Hmm…guess I should read this one.

Oh how it was worth it. A helpful company (down south) decided to email me this text:

“Further to the information which I emailed through to you last week I do not seem to have received your response. I do appreciate that this area of specialism can be controversial and a little awkward to discuss, however it is real and it is happening every day.

We would like the opportunity to discuss the solutions against your private space being invaded. This can come in a variety of guises which include your car being bugged, your house or business premises being bugged. We have the most sophisticated electronic technology tools to find these devices and clear your mind.

Furthermore we also investigate fidelity, please note that this is a very sensitive area, however husbands and wives are faced with this issue on a daily basis. SBG simply establish a route to providing you with the peace of mind which allows your life to continue as before. Many of the cases which we undertake have a harmonious solution.

We act to maintain healthy relationships, give people and businesses peace of mind from espionage and many more services. We are delighted for our award winning status and we are delighted to receive our recent accolade for discovering a device which was publicly announced in the national press relating to a high profile professional footballer.

Please note that many people are suffering from listening devices, cheating partners and many more issues in life which we are positioned to work on putting right. Our services are cost effective and bring solutions without breaking the bank.

I would be delighted to receive you comments. If you would prefer talk to me privately then please call my direct line “

I’ve been a good boy and left out his email, company name and phone number.

Favourite bit:

- “I do not seem to have received your response” – oh well shit, I didn’t know I was obligated my man. So sorry to disappoint you!

I love the fact that the whole email reads in a quasi-threatening tone. It was put on an official looking document and everything. Why would you ever think I would respond to this? And if I did mistake this for something official and contact you, do you have any idea how annoyed I’d be at a sales call?

If you’re going to send out cold emails to businesses, do your best not to take the ‘fear’ route, OK?

-jordan

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